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Selfish
Later that day (5:59 p.m.) Justin led Kiara down the red carpet in the movie theatre as he searched for a place to sit. "Damn. It's packed in here." she complained, gazing at the all the people sitting down. "I have some seats." he spoke, leading her in the row where the two seats were located. She released his hand, and took a seat, watching him sit beside her. "Here you go." he handed her a bag of popcorn, and sat a large coke aside. "Thank you." she sat the bag on her lap, and gazed up at the screen. "It didn't start yet." she shuffled of a few popcorn, and stuffed them in her mouth. Justin gawked to the side to stare at her. He watched as she ate the popcorn without even bothering to offer him any. She happened to gaze at him with a curious look on her face. "What's wrong?" he shook his head and looked away. "Nothing. Any way..." he intertwined his fingers together as his head began to fill up with thoughts. "Um..." he bit the bottom of his lip, hesitant to speak. "Can I..." he shifted in his seat, turning her way. "Um...I just...would like to know...some more about your past. If...you don't mind tellin' me. I really...would like to know." he paused. "It's just...ashamed how people can be so...cruel." she held her head down, still chewing on the remains of her popcorn as she decided on whether to tell him. "Um...well...it's nothing really. I've...been abused by the past few men...I've dated. Not just...physically but...also mentally. This guy cheated on me. The other hit me whenever I...pissed him off in any way. And not just me. Someone else can piss him off and he would just...take it ALL out on me. I don't know why. He sorta...had this problem with...controlling his actions. I can't remember when the last time...he HADN'T hit me. Practically...everyday. But...I finally built up the courage and...the cops took care of it." she looked up, locking eyes with his. realizing the concerned look he held. "My friends said that...it was MY fault for hookin' up with those type of men in the first place and...yeah. Maybe it was my fault, but..." she could feel the tears building up in her system. "...I always had this problem of...seeing the truth. I couldn't tell IF he was bad or not." he voice sound rickety due to the tears taking over. "Because...he completely changed into a different person when we...got together." she sniffled, and wiped underneath her eyes. "I'm sorry." she looked away, gazing back up at the screen. "No um...it's not your fault. Really." he spoke softly, feeling very bad at the time. "I'm really sorry...you had to go through that. Seriously, and...I wish I was there to prevent from all of it happening." she held her head down, not bothering to respond. "Is there anything I can do...to make you feel better? I would love to help. It would be a big honor." she shook her head. "That's the point. You can't help. It already happened." she sniffled once more. "Besides...it's over and done with now. I'm just not...gonna rush into getting close with another guy again. Oh..." she quickly looked up to meet eye contact with him. "No offense to you." he shook his head and looked away. "Nah. It's fine." he assured, grabbing his coke and taking a sip of it. She scrutinized him closely, still feeling mystified. She didn't get how indulgent he was. She never met a guy like him before. "I...I've never...met a guy like you at all. Seriously. You're so...understanding and...sincere. I just wish...you came along before..." she trialed off as she noticed the look he held. It was an anger and displeased look. "Um..." she held her head down and fiddled with her fingers nervously. "I'm...I'm just confused right now. I don't...see why...I have to be...the one suffering because of what...fucked up men did to you. It's not...right at all. I know...deep down you can't...trust me and...you're afraid to get close because...you think I'm like them, but...just like I said...I'm not. And...it's your choice to believe me and...take that chance, because...I can't keep...letting things slide like this. I have to move on with my life, but...I plan on moving on with...you. None of that is possible if you keep...evaluating me to other people." he paused, gazing deeply in her eyes. "Can I ask just one question? What was last night all about? If you can't...trust me enough to let me be apart of your life...then WHY THE HELL did last night happen? Was it just lust? If you asked me...I thought all along it was about love." she bit the bottom of her lip as she felt herself getting very emotional. "I never had something like this in mind. Especially not from you." he sat his coke down. "I'll be back." he stood up and squeezed out of the row, heading out of the theatre. "Shit." she mumbled. A few minutes later, Justin took his seat beside Kiara, and sat back more comfortably, spreading his legs out as he tried to make himself more comfortable. He crossed his arms over his chest, and closed his eyes. "Wake me when it's over." he spoke. She had a clue that he was upset with her. _________ After the movie "Justin?" Kiara tapped him on the shoulder. He fluttered his eyes open, slowly sitting up in his seat. "The movie is finished." he gazed around the room in bewilderment. "I wanted to wait until it was all cleared up before we left." she mentioned. He rubbed his tired eyes and stood up, squeezing out of the isle. She followed him out of the theatre, and towards the car. "Um..." she bit the bottom of her lip as she hesitated to speak up. He unlocked the doors with the alarm key, and pulled it open, sitting in. She hopped in on the passenger's side, and closed the door. He swiftly pulled out of the parking lot and drove away. There was no word spoken of him as he drove down the road. "I just want to apologize for...our discussion in the theatre." she paused, waiting for a reply from him, but he kept quiet, keeping his eyes on the road. "Will you...stop acting like a baby, and talk to me...please?" he could hear the cry in her voice. "There's nothing left to say. You made it clear that...last night was all about lust." her head jerked back, appallingly. "I did? I don't remember that coming out of my mouth. YOU'RE the one who..." "You don't have to say it, alright?" he interrupted her. "I DO read signs. I'm good at that. Other than like...some other people." he referred to her. She felt very offended at the time, and all she felt like doing was crying like a little baby. She didn't get why he got to her so easily. It was usually hard for someone to upset her, but things were different with him. "I don't appreciate...you trying to blame everything on me. I don't get you. I mean...one minute you're understanding, and the next...you're COMPLETELY THE OPPOSITE!" tears poured down her cheeks. "Just like I said...you MEN are alike. You're no different then the other men I've dated." right then, she had pushed him to the limit. He pulled over on the side of the road, and turned the car off. "Now you listen..." he pointed to her. "...don't FUCKING COMPARE ME...TO THOSE SICK FREAKS WHO ABUSED YOU AND CHEATED ON YOU! I'M NOT THEM!" he raised his voice. "I'M NOT! I'VE NEVER LAID A HAND ON ANY OF MY EX GIRLFRIENDS, AND CHEATING NEVER HAD CROSSED MY MIND, BUT...I'VE WENT THROUGH IT!" he paused, breathing heavily, trying hard to control his anger. "I've been cheated on, and...mentally abused, so don't THINK...I don't know how it feels. I understand your pain." she sat there, crying. "But...you CAN'T KEEP...punishing ME...for what this guy and THAT GUY DID TO YOU!" his eyes slowly filled up with solution. She had no idea how hurt he was at the moment. "Right about now...all I feel like doing is...giving up on you women. I can NEVER...find the right one. It doesn't matter how long I've tried. I just can't." he looked away, and sat back in his seat. "I...understand if...you don't wanna ever see me again. All I can say is...good luck. I just...don't understand how you could be so blind. You're just letting something good...slip right through your fingers." he shook his head pathetically. "I've never...felt this way about a woman before. I actually...feel your pain. It feels like...I've been the victim...instead of you." he gawked to the side to stare at her. She sat there with her head down and tears rolling down her cheeks. He sighed heavily, and reached out, conveying his car back to life. "I'll take you home." he spoke, pulling off. |
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ALL WORK COPYRIGHTED BY SHONA 2002 |